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But, I guess, if there’s anyone I’d be okay with wasting away the rest of my life with, it’d be you.
You are clearly a 9/10 (your elbows are a little pointy, let’s face it no one’s perfect) and here on OKC we only allow 6/10 maximum. Your account will be CLOSED unless you reply to this message” "You can be my slave." DON’T USE: The too eager message I get this type of message a lot, the one that assumes we have already met, like each other, and are ready to spend a lot of time together. Truth be told..you've won my heart..gotta ask..would you be open to chat some time ? Let’s ride my motorcycle to icicles waterfalls in Catskills” “We have to hang out otherwise I will always feel like something is missing in my life.” “You visited my profile and didn’t reply.
But while you may be a boring dolt who is a complete drain on society, I’m a creative genius, and have perfected the art of openers. – Just enrolled for health insurance via Obamacare. PHILOSOPHICAL OPENERS: – Sometimes I question why God allows bad things to happen to good people. – Fuck, Marry, Kill: Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Dostoyevsky? Let’s cut to the chase—call me an insensitive, self-involved, immature asshole and break up with me. Been playing with my nephew and his new puppy in a flower patch all day while helping to feed the homeless. – Guess who’s no longer on his parents cell phone bill…?
Today, on this blog, I am giving away 42 openers to all of you…COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE. – If the technology existed, do you think it would be ethical for scientists to clone you? AGGRESSIVE OPENERS: – Ya know what the difference is between you and an angel? – I’ve thought it over, and I’m okay with you keeping our yet-to-be-conceived baby.
All I ask for in terms of payment is that if one of my openers helps you land a girl, you think of me when you hook up with her (but not, like, in a gay way or anything, be cool). What should we order for breakfast the morning after our date? And if so, do you think your clone would be down for a threesome? SELF-CONSCIOUS OPENERS: – Can’t believe we matched together. – I feel silly asking you this, you probably get hit up by like fifty guys a day, I know you’re out of my league, and there’s no shot you’ll ever respond to this, but I just wanted to say, this is so stupid, you’re probably showing this to all your friends right now and laughing, my god, I am just not cut out for this… – Tell me about the biggest trauma in your life, give me your address, leave the door unlocked, I’ll be there in fifteen. – I would hate it if you met an untimely demise prior to our first date…
Not every girl calls for the same opener, so I’ve grouped them based on different situations. Using a Flirty Opener when the girl’s profile clearly calls for an Edgy Opener could lead to disaster. CONFIDENT OPENERS: – Just got a haircut without running it by my mom. KEEP IN MIND, I AM GLUTEN INTOLERANT AND ALLERGIC TO NUTS. – After looking at your pictures, my pants feel like Syria—a lot of unrest. You’re so pretty, and physically speaking, I am simply hideous.
Here are some of the cheesy messages they’ve received that they would never respond to: “Happy Mother’s Day to One Hot Mama” “I’m usually a gold medalist, but I’ll make sure you come first tonight.” “Why did the cookie go to the hospital?? ” DON’T USE: The too forward message Men especially think it is flattering to compliment a woman’s looks or say they can’t wait to do X-rated things to them.